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William Greg Thomas - Letters To His Children
2-5-2000. Saturday.
7 page love letter to my son Ben
Dearest Bennie, Dad loves
and misses you so. I know my letters gifts and cards aren't making
it to you - so I've asked someone who cares to place this on "my" website.
Another lonely Saturday, blue skies yet quite cool outside. Brrrrr.
I woke up several times last nite shaking, figuring out - some part of
me was out of my sheets and thin blankets. Guards only turn heaters
on when they feel like it & for the most part - to spite us - they
leave them off. Unless they themselves are up, doing rounds - or
feeding us this pig slop they call food. Other than that, pretty
much all requests for comfort is met with laughter of a sadistic nature.
Forgive my spelling, truly not my forte, nor strong suit. Never the
less - I pray you can still read this, follow all my heart has to bleed
for you. God knows I Love & Miss you. God knows I remain
innocent. No matter what those around you believe, many others believe
otherwise, for good reason. SATURDAY DRAGS on - much like a holiday
- both are unwelcomed - in my current world. Any- Holiday - Anytime
whatsoever spent away from you - is lost & fruitless time.
So much we've missed, Dear Son, only pure hatred keeps me currently out
of your precious arms and beautiful smile. Saturdays and Sundays
are days people "could" visit me, yet most, no - all, find themselfs too
busy - too far away & its quite clear I am not high enough on their
"things to do" list for the day. I have an extreme problem with forgiveness
of late. ALL those that could be helping me investigate this bizarre
case of mine spending time "with" me, writing - or visiting me. For
the most part I am forgotten by all, a spectre if you will, a ghostly figure
that once held others hearts and hands, now more alone than nitemares compell.
I know I love and miss you Beautiful Son. I miss us. Wonder
what you're doing - right now - whats on your heart & mind. All
my heart - Dearest Son. I've already walked 5 hours, yet I'm only
1/2 done. I'll walk more later, along with streching out. I've
never stopped working out. You know health and fitness is a way of
life to me, just as sure as my love to you, "FOR" you, & completely
about you. I wish I had a woman in my life, but I'm afraid thats
not the case. I am to all - a cancer - a sickness - an easily spread
illness that no one seems to want any part of. Viewed by a few as
an experiment, a hobby - a wondering deep inside them- Gee - it sure doesn't
look like he's guilty. haha. Duh. So Dear Best Friend,
little boy thats not so little anymore - how would you like another love
letter from a dad who Loves, Cares, and Worships you ! I'm back -
a cup of Java to warm me. My only vice remains coffee. How
many thousands of times have you fallen asleep with & on me while a
cup of coffee sat beside us. As the day grows long, a quick glance
at my watch reveals - yes, today is just like any other, no one is coming
to hug me, no visits for this kid. I have no access to a phone or
computer - if so - I'd surely be trying to reach you and explode some fatherly
love at you. God - I miss you. One day - Dear Son - someone's
gonna love us again - I just know it - us as a team. And if not -
no biggie - I swear - my favourite role in life remains - being a single
Dad. Its like - hey if girls wanna come into our life, great, but
we won't go looking for them. I've been hit with too many lies- the
past few years. Someone I really trusted recently LIED to me, what
a letdown that in the mere handful of people I care for - it was one of
'them' that became 'them.' Guess its easier to follow the crowd
than be different huh. You and I will never be normal - never be
followers - only leaders. I think I'd rather be alone for the most
part - I CAN - trust and believe in myself & you. God - I just
wish someone wanted IN - ALL the way in. But its not gonna happen
- or so it appears. I wish I could write a love letter to a woman,
but none seem to want any role in my life. Must be the cancer deal
again. ha. Someone once called me Ann Frank. I'm not sure if
thats good - or bad. Surely it is - Auschwitz. Death is nearly
daily - if not in act or fact - surely it is felt. Please tell me
girls still have breasts out there. Geezz. I miss being held
so bad. Everyone is now waking up for lunch, a lunch so tasty - we
all flush it down the toilet. ha. A saved apple from a few
days ago - my salvation. Tummy still growling - it can find no peace.
My Chi - is the only thing that can constantly take pain away. Harder
still when others choose to give me more - pain that is. Oh - Lord
- my neighbour - with a grand total IQ of MUD - won't shut up. Yes
- just nothing like being in hell. How wonderful, not bloody likely.
haha. TV - just has a hard time holding my interest. Every
single moment - every minute, every second - is one too many - here.
I just keep praying - someone somewhere will look at my case, notice how
insane the so called facts are. Someone that will not only welcome
getting to know me but relish the fact I am innocent. How crazy -
the Ill. Governor put a stop to state murders there because 13 men on death
row have been released - proven innocent. He 'Thinks" the system
is a disgrace. ha - good call Jughead ! Yet - Good Old boy Florida
leads the entire USA with 18 men on Florida's Death Row released - proven
innocent. Go figure. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to
figure out - Hey Buttheads - we have a fregging problem here! Ha.
Yet Bush - is not brave enough does not have the, well, you know, to admit
fault. Oh Keboo, so tired of being without you & your tiny hiney
sister Katelyn. The blue sky outside begins to turn dark, still quite
cool, but who cares. As long as you are warm - then so is my heart
and soul. I love and miss you so intense my beautiful buddy.
I know you are very discouraged in having anything to do with your Dad.
I understand this, but I also hear that not only have you "asked" nicely
for years to be brought to visit Dad - but you now, Demand it. Oh
Hell yes - way to go ! I'm so proud of you. So proud
of how you excel at different sports, proud of how you carry yourself,
proud of any and yes - everything about you. Moreover -I'm
DAMN proud - you believe in your fathers innocence. This keeps me
going. When all others forget me - I know you have not. I know
it. When mail comes and goes and there's none for me, I know I'm
on your heart even though you cannot write without the wrath and hatred
of those you so sadly are forced to live with. I'm so sorry for this
my son. You have the largest eyelashes and the most beautiful eyes.
I'm not even sure if you know - I planned - both your and Katie's birth,
down to the very day. Everything from breastfeeding, Lamaze, stitches
- any & everything even coming close to your healthy birth - son -
I was involved in. Infant CPR classes for both you and Katie.
So many clothes I bought you before your birth. I knew and proudly
told everyone you were a boy - long before we knew. I'm so
proud of all you are. You "are" me - my son. All the gifts,
comic books, wrestling books, books, books, books, games, toys, posters,
cookies, cards, even a PIZZA I sent you - was returned. I will try
any and every way to reach you , let you know of my never ending love.
It is so hard when no one will help me, yet I NEVER give up on you - please
- don't give up on Dad - otay. The truth is gonna come out - I promise
you that. Those around you - will not like the truth, but it will
be known. Dads innocence will surely come out - just as sure as the
right girl will find me one day. Just as sure as ____ being
a shallow girl who obsesses about clothes and her looks - just as sure
as ___ is a spineless pencil neck. hahaha. Poor little Ben,
you'll be just as hairy as I am - you'll have to shave twice a day. haha.
And one day - one day - you'll find that special girl who likes hairy guys.
I pray one will find me too. I can see us both dating European girls.
How very blessed it would be - to double date with my best friend - my
son. So many plans for us. You are "the" best thing, I've ever done.
I could not live without your heart. You must know - mine has long
since been yours. Only a dad - could know - truly experience - endless
love, indeed unconditional love. Why can't I find a soulmate as such.
Maybe - thats merely impossible, who knows. Wheres she at keboo?
If life is surely the sheer gift I believe it to be, then surely someone
will come out of the woodwork & help save mine. I have to believe
this Ben. Hope is not only of the weak. Trust remains at such
a high premium - will I ever be able to give it again. I acknowledge
my own overwhelming insecurities. I know they build mountanous reserves.
These fortresses were swollen and built nearly unmoveable by so many
& so many lies. Reality indeed questioned when everyone whos
anyone - can do nothing but let you down. Damn it - I just wish someone,
anyone, "would" care enough to help & to lift me up . One Day
Beautiful son. God knows I love and miss us. Sometimes
I don't think I'll ever tell another woman I love her - seems to somehow
- empower them, use me more, which only allows me to get HURT AGAIN.
Can you tell I'm lonely again tonite. ha. Wonder what you're watching
on TV right now, wonder what you're eating - how you'll sleep tonite, the
names of your little girlfriends, if you wear you're bike helmet - seatbelt
in the car - somehow I know you are insane about blondes still. hahaha.
Oh - Ben - God I miss you. We are both in such atmospheres of hate.
Only together again will I ever be happy. Those long - heart and soul searching
talks we had. All the nites that our bed was not average but popcorn
and fireplace naps. I even remember the very 1st time I held you.
How I showed you off.
How there was no place I could feel comfy cozy at unless you were there.
This fathers love remains deep and strong for you, beautiful guy.
Won't someone - help us get back together again. All the matching
clothes we wore, far more than best friends, far more than father and son.
You "are" my better 1/2. If I ever fall in love with a woman again
- she'll have to be all you've dreamt of, plus mine too. I don't
think she's out there. The hell with looking huh. Hahaha. How many
times have you so quietly wondered when I would come get you - retake our
lives again. Travel - oh baby, travel. We'll just see the world,
and someone, somewhere will want us. They will want us - as part
of their world & we'll make them 'ours.' Deal ? Dearest
Son - I have to prove I'm innocent, I have to tell you all I've learned,
those you believe are your friends, you're sadly mistaken.
Been there done that. Haha. Ink acts so poorly. Ink
cannot match your arms or your love. Ink will never be good enough.
Heaven help all the anger and hatred inside (name deleted) - to truly use
you - against me. I pray you do not hate so many -when you discover
all they have said and done against me. I do however see it coming
when you too know all I do. One side to any story is never enough
and truth cannot be found there. I am ashamed I ever taught you police
are good and your friends. I've sadly learned their corruption and
motives that of pure evil. The end does not justify the means.
Wrong remains wrong. Facts must be certain & not that of fairey
tales -ever. How hard it is to relax tonite, so much is going on
- both with my case and inside me. I find comfort - only when - I
do not seek it. I don't think any woman will ever be able to give
it to me again. I wish I believed differently - I really do.
What will this weeks mail bring - how much dissapointment and lies - or
merely - as I expect it - no mail - sadly. Ho hum.
2-6-2000 Sunday.
Dearest Ben, Good Morning. I love and miss you. Horrible.
I want you to notice if we have another visit soon- the reason (name deleted)
and (name deleted) continue to keep it behind glass - has nothing to do
with safety but hatred. I should be holding and kissing and tickling
you. They want to make your visit as uncomfy as possible. They
don't want you to visit plain and simple. They want it as difficult
and unhuman like as possible. It didn't matter last time and it won't
matter this next time. You however deserve a full contact visit where
you can take your time, Ask Dad any and every question at your own speed
- not be rushed by them - nor have a page of questions "they" wrote for
you to ask. That was really slimey last time. Yet it still
didn't bother us. Hahaha. Keep pushing for a regular visit dear son.
To punish me, keep me from your arms is to punish you. A real parent,
a person who truly loved you, and cared for you, would want only your best
interest at heart and not use you to hurt me. I don't blame them
Keboo, I know they believe me to be guilty. But I Damn Well am not
! I know that's not what they want to hear, but they will feel super
lousey one day when they realize all these years they have hurt you by
keeping us apart only out of hatred for me. Please do not hate them
for this. Just keep pushing, my outspoken, best buddy. God
I love and miss you. One day the right person will write Dad and
help. I just know it. One day - some day - will be today.
Someday I'll be held up - and not merely let down. Some day the right
girl will say - Damn I wish he cared about me - someday - someone will
realize the sheer volume of passion inside me. Someday I'll give
it out freely & not so gaurded. Someday I'll grow orchids again.
Someday I'll find someone like me & they would have been thru something
to humble them. Someday - you'll be in my arms again Ben.
2-6-2000 Sunday
Dearest Daughter.
How are you babydoll ? Dad loves and misses you dearly. Like
your big brother Ben, you're not getting any letters from Dad. I'm
so sorry Angelgirl. I'm trying so hard. No -one will help me
with much of anything, least of all an address at which to send you cards,
gifts, letters, and dads endless love. I'm trying baby - I will never
give up on you. Dad's don't QUIT. I loved you before you were
born. I wanted you my entire life. A home is not a home - without
children & I'm not a man without you and Ben. I dream about
you so much. I wish I'd dream about a wife or girlfriend, but you
and Ben flood my mind and dreams just as surely as you own my heart and
soul. I miss you my handsome sweetie pie. I pray my heart will
have room for a woman one day - it seems to be drowning so wonderfully
in thoughts of you. I'm told you look like me - even more than Ben.
Poor baby. Haha. You are me, a piece of my soul broken off
to create you. I wish I'd had you long ago - I pray with all inside
me I'll soon be able to give you another sister - brother. You are
so very beautiful honey. Haven't seen you in forever, but a few of
my friends have. Lucky monkeys. Haha. Wonder how many
little boyfriends you have. Wonder your favourite cookie these days.
How silky your hair is. Those baby browns that bring grown men to
their knees. I know your smile is to die for. Honey girl -
can you tell Dad worships you !! If you could only get this love
letter from Dad. I miss you so terrible. I was the 1st man
to hold you, I held you before your mother & I hold you closer still
now, but in dreams only. I hear - you don't even know me.
I'm not sure if this is true or not. But a lie in any form is wrong.
One day I pray I'll hold you again and you'll know the truth about (name
deleted) and all shes done. The sun sets on another long Sunday.
Lonely a way of life, no mail again tonite for any sense of comfort.
I hold you so very close to me angel girl. Wish you could pray for
me and that someone would care enough to help me. Always and forever
yours - Bennie - & Dad. I miss you so Baby.
LETTER FROM DOROTHY LOCKE RE WILLIAM GREG THOMAS AND HIS CHILDREN
To whom it may concern :
Re: William Gregory Thomas
I have known "Greg" since
he was a small child. When his son Benjamin was born he was very
proud of him and brought him to our home often. They were so close,
always together.
Before Katelyn arrived
Greg was excited, planning for her birth, taking classes etc. He
came by on my birthday to tell me that his beautiful little daughter shared
my birthday. A proud Dad! Greg and Christina brought Ben and
Katie for a visit a couple of weeks later.
Greg is a caring father
who misses his children. He writes to them often and would be delighted
to see them.
Sincerely
Dorothy M Locke
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