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Interview with Toronto Patterson - Children's PressLine
CPL: Tell us your name and a little
bit about yourself.
Toronto: My name is Toronto Patterson.
I'm from
Dallas, TX. I'm 24 years old.
CPL: How did you get here? What did
you do to
become incarcerated?
Toronto: I was convicted of killing
my cousins. It was
June 6th and I was convicted on November
17th. I
was found guilty of killing my cousins
Kimberly, Ollie
and Jennifer on November 17th, 1995.
CPL: What was going through your mind
when the
conviction came down?
Toronto: I was shocked. I kind
of felt like it was
inevitable. That it was going to happen
and I was
going to be found guilty. There were
pieces of
evidence from the trial, stuff that
wasn't allowed to
be presented. My lawyers told
me that there might be
hope. They could always appeal it and
there was a
good chance it would be overturned
and they helped
me along with family members to keep
on a positive
note and not to just "go off the hilt"
because I was
found guilty.
CPL: What experiences in life do you
miss the most
while being on death row?
Toronto: First of all, I have a daughter
who is six. I
miss being out there able to see her
grow, help her
and raise her. To be there for her,
and family and
loved ones. Basically to just
live life.
CPL: Tell me about your relationship
with your
grandmother.
Toronto: My grandmother was like my
second mother.
Throughout the years, she bought a
lot of my school
clothes, gave me money. She helped
out my mother
raising me and it wasn't like grandmother
and
grandson—she treated me like her child.
Grandmother
said she wouldn't be coming down here
for the few
days I have left to live, because it
was too much for
her. She may come and just sit in the
car and wait
until everyone comes out. That's what
she does. She
comes down and makes the trip. She
brings everyone
here and waits in the car.
CPL: Tell me a little bit about the
role faith has played
in your grandmother's life and whether
it played a role
in your life.
Toronto: Faith has played a strong role
in my
grandmother's life. [It's important
to me, too],
because I'm seeing people for the last
time. She
taught me faith and hope. She always
told me
everything will be alright. There are
a lot of people
that love her. She tells them to go
to church and pray.
CPL: What is she praying about?
Toronto: She's praying for my daughter
and that I do
not get killed first of all. That my
life is spared and
that I eventually come home.
CPL: What faith do you have in that
happening…that
outcome…in that your life will be spared?
Toronto: The Texas Clemency Board has
never
commuted anyone's death sentence to
life. [But,]I
don't have any animosity towards them.
CPL: Why don't you have any animosity
towards
them?
Toronto: It's heartbreaking, but I just can't get mad.
CPL: What is the most comforting thought
you have
about the afterlife?
Toronto: You mean life after death?
CPL: Or life after life.
Toronto: I'll be at peace, no worries,
no fears. Love.
[But] I'm not ready for that yet. I
feel like it's not my
time. I often try not to think about
it. I know I'll be at
peace, no more worries and everything.
CPL: Where were you views about the afterlife formed?
Toronto: Being incarcerated since I
was 17 has
helped me—how life is being locked
up, no freedom,
how life is ugly, harassment at times.
With the case
hovering over my head often, missing
women—all that
will be gone once I'm away from here.
Right?
CPL: What kind of person did you think
you were
before you were convicted?
Toronto: I started selling drugs when
I was 15. I
hung around in a very rough neighborhood.
I didn't
drink or do drugs. I only sold drugs.
I wasn't rough like
most…I wasn't wild and violent like
other teens were.
CPL: How do you think you've changed
since you
been in?
Toronto: I matured in a whole lot of
ways. I have a
whole different understanding of life,
[of what is] right
and wrong. I had time to see and observe
[that] the
kind of mentality I had when I was
15, 16, 17 years
old no longer exists. I've been able
to write about it,
talk about it.
CPL: Tell me about your writing.
Toronto: I wrote two books of poems
called "Mind
Swing". It's basically how my mind
swings from being
incarcerated to having faith, hope
and love. Basically
what I'm sayin' is mood swings, but
where the mind
goes to the world…how I used to date
girls, kickin'
with home boys, to religion and what
I learned about
the Bible…about my stance on how I
maintain. I'm
writing a book, an autobiography, "From
Innocent to
Now"…so I wrote a poem…like it was
the last poem
that was written, I wrote it
in November 2001. It is a
page from my book…a page from my book
spoke of
love, hate, trials and tribulations,
disparity,
loneliness…
CPL: So how did you stumble upon poetry
as a
fulfilling activity?
Toronto: Where we were housed, conditions
were
real bad. I really [wanted] to speak
my peace, and I
wrote about it, right? And I wrote
"Mind Over Matter"
and what seems to be a poem…but it
ended up being
like a short story, right? There's
so much stuff that's
trapped inside and everything, I wanna
just talk and
just express myself. People from Canada,
to France,
to Ireland and around the states read
it and they
enjoyed it. They tell me that I should
write more,
speak about what I'm feeling.
CPL: How does that make you feel that
people all
around the world are reading your poetry?
oronto: It feels good that they read
it and liked it. I
didn't think I could write any poetry—that
was the
last thing on my mind. I never just
studied any
poetry. I read some and I didn't think
that was me—it
was something being incarcerated helped
pull out of
me.
CPL: What do people say they like about your poetry?
Toronto: They say, that's so me. It's me. They like it.
CPL: How do you think it has helped
you in rough
times in your life?
Toronto: When I write, it takes me and
my mind off
my condition, my situation right now,
being isolated in
a cell. It's like a form of escape
from the prison reality
in sense—to another level of focus
and concentration.
CPL: You mentioned the word escape.
That kinda
caught me. What do you mean by escape?
Toronto: Escape the prison reality of
the situation,
what is hovering over me—my worries,
my fears, and
everything. Being able to express those
on paper in
words and everything instead of all
that stuff being
bottled up in me, being on paper is
like a relief—it lifts
a burden.
CPL: What is the one memory that you
think you'll
always cherish?
Toronto: Takin' care of my baby sister,
Tanisha,
taking care of her like she was my
daughter and
everything…I was eleven at the time
[she died]; I'm
very fond of her.
CPL: Does the thought of death scare you?
Toronto: Yep, I'm scared to die right
now cuz I feel
like it's not my time. I'm not scared
of death cuz I
know what is promised to us all…but
I'm scared to die
at this instant cuz I feel like it's
not my time.
CPL: You've mentioned that a couple
of times, that
it's not your time. Could you elaborate
on that a bit?
Toronto: Yes, I feel like God has a
certain time, a
certain way. God knows what counts.
If I must die on
August 28th, I am at peace with God.
I feel like I will
be in a better place and all.
CPL: If you had to address the Supreme
Court, what
would you say to them if they told
you it is God's
will—we are doing this because God
said to do this.
How would you address that?
Toronto: In the New Testament, Christ
showed that
everybody is supposed to love. When
he preached the
gospel it was about love and
away from the Old
Testament—eye-for-an-eye. So I'd have
to tell them
that I don't see how God would want
it this way. That
question is very difficult for me…
Voice of Prison Guard: Five minutes.
your greatest regret in life?
Toronto: My greatest regret? Being caught
up in this
situation I am—just being caught up
in this situation.
Making some decisions which led me
to being on death
row.
CPL: What positive things have you gotten out of jail?
Toronto: I found I had a hidden talent
being able to
write—to write poetry, novels, short
stories. To learn
about God, religion. To be able to
see outside the
system, how voting can make a difference.
Basically, I
grew up a lot.
CPL: What message do you have for young
people
out there? People who are coming up
as you were
coming up—that might have had some
difficulties
along the way—what kind of message
would you want
to share with them?
Toronto: Stay in school—knowledge is
the key. Stay
away from things you don't think
are right. Listen to
your thoughts.
CPL: I'm not sure how much access you
have to it,
but has music played a large role in
your life?
Toronto: Yes it has…About the time I
got arrested, I
was heavily into rap music a whole
bunch. But I
experienced heart break because I've
met a girl since
I've been arrested and have been through
a whole of
experiences. I'm heavily into R&B
now, soul helped me
maintain my sanity a lot. Mariah Carey's
song "Always
be My Baby" and "I'm Not Going to Cry"
by Mary J
Blige. It just helped me. I try to
sing vocals along with
them. My heart feels at ease. Gospel
music…Yolanda
Adams, Kurt Franklin…everybody
just uplifts me and
helps me maintain my faith and sanity.
[They help me]
see hope and pray for a better brighter
day.
From: http://www.csmonitor.com/monitortalk/events/transcripts/patterson.html
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