Lawrence Lewis Jr.
Death Row, Florida, USA
Hello,
in the hope of peace, in love to you.
My
name is Lawrence F. Lewis Jr. I have been confined to prison most
all of my life by one form, and shape, or another.
I
was arrested in 1987, for a fight, that somehow ended in a mans death.
Just
being out of prison for burglary, my burning heart in lost, confused, emptiness
was more so fueled by the fires of anger and anguish, that the prison system
so eagerly feeds and breeds. Broken down in my car one night,
broke and fed up with life, and all its confusion to me, out in the middle
of nowhere. Two men who had been strung out for days on heroin, and
cocaine, were out at the same time looking for things to steal. So
as to get money to shoot up some more.
By
fate of coincidence, or of God, I will never be sure but all our paths
crossed that night.
Those
two men came upon me, and a fight ensued. One man died that night.
I
am not sure if I killed him, nor am I sure I did not.
Since
the age of 15, having already years of alcoholism behind me, I've been
proven to black out when drinking. Parts of this night were of no exception
to that plague on me.
I
say this as no excuse, the fact is the fact. The point of it being
two men died that night. One being beat to death? The other dying
every day since from the beating of his soul.
One
man, never having known love, may possibly never know it.
One
man, having not known love, but having been awakened to it later confined
in a cell, not being able to share it.
In
1988 I was sentenced to 3 life sentences, 10 years, and 5 years, and the
death sentence, all wild.
My
lawyer was state appointed, and had alcohol problems of his own, and was
truly incapable of handling my case. I ended up on Florida Death
Row in October of '88.
After
being here I lost all and everything, of the little I had. And from
this desolation, and loneliness, I came to be awakened to what life is,
and its true meaning. That is love, and the life in hope it brings.
We
are all born with the breath of the spirit of love, meant for us to grow
individually, and together, as one body in love. By the means of
watering that seed in each other. Each of us nurturing that seed
in the members of each other, in our body, with helpful care.
Somehow,
by many ways, I never was shown the life of love. Was never given
its selfless precepts. What I was shown and given was the confusion
and blindness of selfish traits. And later, I came to build upon
that house of cards. I thought love was what I could get, take,
have to myself. By self strength and self ways. It was what
I was shown, and all I had seen. And building my foundation on this
ever shifting sand, I never came to be filled, rather contrarily I more
so fueled an empty burning heart, by all I tried to sate it with, taking
to myself.
This
is not excuse. Nor do I blame, though for years I once did.
This is just fact of the way it was. Now I know that love is spirit,
and that spirit is of God. And it cannot grow, cannot fill, nor sate,
unless we give it away without expectation.
Mysteriously
it can only grow in us by giving it away to others in caring, help,
comfort, lifting up of others. If I had been told this 12 years ago
I could not have understood such a mystery of God in love.
Only
having had suffered, and lost all, by which I held of my own strength.
Having been broken of self, and all pride of self, by losing all, was I
able to come to realize love.
Now
I would like to hopefully share it to others. With anyone who may
care to write me. Maybe true experiences of my burning in emptiness
can help to quench the fires of others. I do not lie, any longer.
I too, would like some help, legally and / or by any other form that one
might consider in care upon me.
For
I do so want to be free, to have that second chance in life of real
life, in productively sharing helpful, caring love.
And
the truth is, as disheartening as it is, is that the 'justice' system is
not a respecter of changed hearts, nor hearts at all, but rather of money,
and / or the power status in clout. And being that I have neither.
And that my state lawyers, who are appointed by the state, paid by the
state, will not raise issues of innocence, justice, or anything that would
avail freedom. My chance to be free is non existent, without a miracle
of God in the help of others. And being that most of my appeals are
gone, turned down, because the state lawyers only raise issues of
my abused childhood, and that I am somehow brain damaged, all of which
I do not abide nor want, my time is short.
My
intent in and of this notice is not to solicit money, legal help,
or anything of material. I only write of this in truth.
My
intent, and hope is truly to be of some worth in my life, to the help of
others lives. To give something that will sustain forever.
That can only be, by sharing love, to the help of another, and /or others
finding peace in love !
A
little about myself, I am 37 years old, born 9/19/91, in St Louis, MO.
I am 6' tall, 185 lbs, brown graying hair, and green hazel eyes.
I've come to fully believe in God and that He is the Holy Spirit of love,
which plants the seeds of love in us, for us to nurture in and of others.
In
my short time of being out in Freedom, lost and confused as I was to self,
I pretty much did all, saw, or heard all there is, but never had the chance
to enjoy it from the aspect of love. The happiest I ever came to
be, was when, for a short time, as a life guard, single working parents
would drop off their kids with me. Somehow I became the neighborhood
baby-sitter. And I would teach those kids to swim. For me that
was the closest to joy I ever came to. the delight and song of children's
laughter and glee has always captivated my heart in dance. That job
didn't last long because it paid next to nothing, and I was young, full
of self, and self wants.
I've
worked at everything from construction to mechanic, digging ditches to
being a waiter at Bonaventure Continental Hotel and Spa. From being
a model to being in a movie as an extra. From being an underwater
bridge repair specialist to asbestos removal supervisor. I always
worked hard, but never held a job for long, because they never filled that
emptiness in me, yet I was always seeking that filling. And never
knew what it was.
I
believe, that how we treat children, what we show them or neglect to show
and / or give them, puts relative traits on how they will turn out in life.
Whatever they be, burning hearts lost in emptiness or firefighters watering
in love, to put out the fires of others hearts. One will go through
life, lifeless, the other will go through it full of life, sharing life.
I,
now awakened, would like to share some water with any one who may care
to receive it, or share theirs with me. Age, color, size, culture,
whatever, does not matter in love. There is no dissimulation in love.
If
you do care to write, please, if you will, send a self addressed stamped
envelope or the postage needed in stamps, so I can write you back.
I can't afford stamps. Whether you write or not, thank you for your
time in reading this and I hope its given you some thought in love, to
your peace. However small that may be, its still a bit of water,
of which I am thankful to give.
Write to:
Lawrence F. Lewis Jr.
39093 P41135 A-1
Union Correctional Institution
Box # 221 Raiford, Florida
32083 USA
PS.
the photo below is a copy of the only photo
I have of me. Strange as that may seem,
its
true. Its a photo of my brother and I when we were together for a
short time as kids.
I'm
the one in white, on the right.
( See below under 'Deleted by NBCi'
)
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This page was
last updated September 16, 2001
Canadian Coalition Against the Death Penalty
info@ccadp.org
This page is maintained and updated by Dave
Parkinson and Tracy Lamourie
The image below was deleted by NBCi
in April 2001
Lawrence Lewis (in white) and his brother in childhood.
This is the only picture that Lawrence has of his childhood years.