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Today 5-6-02 I had a visit. Visits are always, well usually, something
I look forward
to. Today was different. My brother, my friend, Brian E. Davis has an execution
date
for 5-7-02! So his whole family was out there to visit him!
Of course the purpose of my visit was to show my support for BD and his
family. BD's
dad, mom, ex-wife, two sons and sister, aunts and uncles were all there
to show their
undying love and support. Tears were flowing freely by all. BD's dad more
often than
not, was with his head in his arms on the table crying so strongly his
whole body was
shaking. I was a trooper, or so I pretended to be until my visitor left
(Thanks for being
here for me T baby). Then I broke down into tears. Yes me, the heartless,
cold-blooded, unrehabilitatable killer! Yes me, who will no doubt be executed
because
I'm a man, so they say, who has no human compassion and puts no value on
human life!
Sometimes I wonder if the same people can look into their mirrors and see
the double
standards they set? I digress. Let me get back on track. I believe two
main events out
at visitation were the cause of my final failure as my facade as "trooper"
so to say 1.
when Tracy, BD's ex-wife (whom I've never met before this day but heard
tons about
through BD) came to talk to me. She had love in her eyes and a broken heart
in the
tears she fought so hard to hold back as we talked. Her undying love for
Brian and
their sons touched my heart deeply. She has stood by BD and made sure he
saw his
kids as often as possible. Now she must help her boys through their fathers
murder.
Tracy whose face will both have me and bring me peace for many months to
come.
The second event was to see BD's mother in such tears of pain and helplessness,
to see
a mother's broken heart, I cry now as I recall.
Wow! I did not talk to BD's mom. I did not have the courage. I was there
when they
all started to leave and when his mom turned around to blow him a kiss.
All I thought
about was tomorrow, when she leaves and blows him another kiss, that same
motherly
kiss, it will be the last time she will see her son alive. In this I saw
all the mothers before
her to go through this.
All the mothers after her who will go through this. I saw my mother and
all the pain and
hurt that my execution will someday bring her. My mother, the one person
in my life
who has stood by me in these past five years with her undying love and
support. How
do I apologize to her for what I foresee? I can't, no words will help.
I've just read what I wrote and it is sickly ironic, that all these innocent
people (BD's
family and loved ones) will all become victims at the time of his murder.
"Justifiable
homicide by the State of Texas". Tomorrow, they will become victims in
the name of
"victims rights"! In a society that demands BD's execution. To what purpose?
Bring
closure to the victims family of the man they say he murdered? To that
I ask how does
BD's family go about finding closure when the STATE murders him?
I would very much like feedback from any of you on this, negative or positive.
I realize
this is my (a death row prisoner) perspective and after all, I'm in societies
eyes, a
heartless cold blooded, beyond redemption, remorseless killer, eh? My eyes
must be
surely tainted by my own sins. We as society demand death in the name of
victims
rights, for the death of a loved one. For closure? I guess BD spending
the rest of his life
in prison gives no one closure. Who is heartless?
So the state of Texas will continue to set new records as a mass killing
machine in the
name of justice, leaving even more victims in it's wake.
Where will the cycle of violence end?
I remain
Down & out in struggle
Richard Cartwright
Brian received a stay at the last moment – no wonder my hair line is receding! (smile)
CONTACT INFORMATION:
Richard Cartwright #999224
Polunsky Unit, Death Row
3872 F. M. 350 South
Livingston, TX 77351
Email: rich@deathrow.at
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