Anthony Ehlers
| More info on the case and some of why its been overturned |
My
name is Anthony Ehlers, I am on Death Row in Illinois. I am 25, and
looking for people of like minds and interests to correspond with.
I write poetry (see writings below) and draw, I love sports, everything from
wrestling to Nascar. Books and history are a passion. I am a
pagan so please don't try to save my soul. I study numerology, astrology,
runes and vampirism, and I am currently working on a story about a shapeshifter,
I enjoy meditation and I practice Zazen daily. I love to write and
so will answer everyone, but I make no promises and hold noexpectations.
I am looking for people I can relate to and talk openly with, people I can
learn from and teach. I try to be honest in all things and hope
for the same. My last job was at a biker bar. I love bikes.
I also have a few tattoos and body piercing. I'm open minded to everything
because I have done so much in my few years.
Write Anthony directly at:
Anthony has been moved to Statesville Correctional Center:
Mr Anthony Ehlers
# B-60794
Route 53
P.O. Box 112
Joliet, Illinois
60434 USA
| Anthony has asked
that we ask everyone reading his page to take a look at the ABUSES HAPPENING TO DEATH
ROW INMATES AT MENARD. Please contact the CCADP at info@ccadp.org if you are a person with expertise in these areas that can help. |
WRITINGS BY ANTHONY
My Last Today
I
woke up this morning to the familiar sights around me, the window with its
dingy sun shining through, the old scarred desk with its matching old chair,
the dripping sink with its rusty old toilet, and of course the bars, seventeen
across, and seven down...
Except
today was different, for today I was going home. I got up and made
myself my first cup of coffee and I reflected on how such simple things bring
you pleasure in prison; things like a letter from home, a fifteen minute
phone call, smoking a cigarette, going outside to marvel at the beauty of
the world for an hour at a time, a photo of someone you love. Its funny,
things that are so meaningless on the streets, mean so much in prison.
I
thought about my friends, I'm a quiet man, but I still made a few friends
in here. Most of them have gone home now also, but they were good men
and I wish them all well. My friends on the street, well...they forgot
about me a long time ago. They stuck by me and supported me for awhile, but
as the years went by I slowly slipped from their lives. I don't blame them
though, I hope they are all well too.
Then
my mind wandered, as it always seems to do, to a woman I once knew.
We were to be married, she was so beautiful, long blonde hair and piercing
blue eyes. We were so close, we used to take long walks together hand
in hand under the moon. Talking, laughing, and just loving each other.
I've thought of her every day of my life, losing her was my one great heartache.
Of course she's long since been gone also, she married another man, and though
I miss her dearly, I wish her happiness.
Just
then I heard the familiar jingling of the keys as Jones and Lewis walked
in, Jones asked me if I was ready, my reply was that I was but in my heart
I knew I wasn't.
They
cuffed me for the final time and led me down these same dingy hallways I
had walked down for years, I smiled to myself as I realised I would have
to walk down these hallways no more.
They
led me to the checkout room and had me sit down while they made the final
preparations. The last thing I remember was the burning sensation as 250,000
volts of electricity coursed through my body and ended...
MY...
LAST...
TODAY...
copyright
1998 Anthony W Ehlers
SMILE
Smile
when you are hurt
Smile
when you're in pain
Smile
when things are wrong
Smile
as you go insane
Smile
when your spirits fall
Smile
as you are crying
Smile
when you must smile
Smile
as your soul is dying
Smile
when you're in trouble
Smile
as your body is aching
Smile
at all funerals
Smile
though your heart is breaking
Smile
so others will feel good
Smile
for appearances sake,
Smile
until your face will crack
Smile
though its fake...
Copyright
1998 Anthony W Ehlers
Moaning In The Moonlight
Why?
Why
must I be without her?
What
have I done to deserve such pain,
such
torment, such sadness?
Tell
me!
I
turn my head up to the moon and scream
"Tell
me, damn you, why do you do this?
What
have I done?"
Why
can I not be with her?
I
am so alone, so lost,
please,
anything but this,
she
was my soul!
"Damn
you" I yell,
"Come
for me now, take me,
I
defy you
I
mock you
I
detest you"
And
the tears flow, and my heart,
my
heart hurts with yearning
with
longing for her
"Why"
I whisper
"why
did you take her away from me?"
"Give
her back!" I shout
"She's
mine, you have no claim to her,
she's
my angel"
I
fall to my knees, burying my head in my hands,
the
heavens give no reply...
copyright
1998 Anthony W Ehlers
Naked And Fearless
Naked
and fearless
I
stand before you
This
is me in all my glory
Nothing
to cover, nothing to hide
This
is who I am
This
is all I am and nothing more
There
are no pretenses, no innuendoes
I
have no secrets from you
Take
me as I am
For
I am yours and yours alone
what
you see is what you get
And
it belongs to you
All
I am,all I was,
And
all I shall be is before you
I
am your offering,
your
altar
your
god
Take
me into you
make
me a part of you
There
are no lies
There
is no pain
Look
closely at me
All
I have for you is love
Naked
and fearless
I
stand before you...
Copyright
1998 Anthony W Ehlers
I Against I
I
am the person who haunts your dreams
I
make it so nothing is as it seems
I
am the one who shatters all your illusions
I'm
the one who causes your confusion
I'm
the one who destroys your trust
I
can make mountains spring from the dust
I
alone can bring you down
I'm
the one who makes you look like a clown
I'm
the person who can give you fame
Then
turn around and trash your name
I
can give you all you lack
And
with a wave of my hand make your world crack
I'm
the one who makes you turn on the light
When
I come and scare you late at night
You
cannot run, don't try to hide
Many
an empty soul has tried
I'm
the one you meet in the hall
I'm
the voice that you hear call.
You're
cold and pale, do you feel the fear?
Deep
inside you know I'm near
Staring
deeper into the mirror
Is
my identity becoming clearer?
Is
the truth finally coming through?
Have
you found out that I am you ?....
Copyright
1998 Anthony W Ehlers
How Much ?
Give
me one of those Volkswagen death traps,
A
high fidelity,
sharp,
surround sound image
with
a twenty seven inch
two
hundred and eighty channel
remote
control girlfriends
How
much?
Can
I have some of those
cardboard
office penny loafers
and
a sick noose that matches
Throw
in a one point eight acre
two
bedroom, one bath tomb
complete
with 2.4 bodies and my
own
mummified dog to match.
How
much?
Oh,
and while I'm here,
I'll
take one set of those subliminal
love
thy neighbour, the
government
is your friend,
help
a cop,
smoke
a rock,
tapes
so I can brainwash myself.
In
VHS please.
How
much
Hmmmm...I
might as well spend what I got
How
much for that book?
No,
no, that one there.
The
"How to kill your family,
fuck your best friends wife
tell a cop what you know,
lock yourself up,
its okay to sell out,
the government cares for you
self help manuals"
Fuck
it,
here's
my credit card,
How
much for the complete package of lies?...
copyright
1998 Anthony W Ehlers
Everything Is Different Now
Once
there was a way
To
get back home
But
I've lost my way
And
even if I knew the way
Home
isn't home anymore
Once
there was a way
To
get back my innocence
But
I passed that road long ago
And
no matter how hard I search
I
can't find it anymore
Once
there was a way
To
start over again
But
its so easy to say that
You'll
forget your past
Until
it catches up to you
Once
there was a way
To
be the person I once was
To
be able to look into my own eyes
To
be able to smile
To
be what you needed me to be
Once
there was a way
But
I don't know it anymore...
copyright
1998 Anthony W Ehlers
Can't Find My Way Home
I
saw her walking away from me
And
I stood there
She
had looked at me with tears running
down
her cheeks,
her
lower lip trembling
and
I stood there.
I
wanted to reach out to her
I
wanted to cradle her in my arms
But
I stood there
I
wanted to take back the things I said
I
wanted to scream at her
"Please
don't walk away, I love you"
But
I just stood there
She
waited for me to say something
To
explain, to apologize,
Even
to look at her
But
I just stood there
An
explanation, a word, a noise
would
have kept her from leaving
would
have kept my heart from breaking
would
have made me whole again
But
I just stood there
And
when she was gone
I
still stood there
Hoping
she would come back
Copyright
1998 Anthony W Ehlers
Love And Other Bruises
Once
you said you loved me
Then
left me all alone
Once
you said you loved me
Then
cut me to the bone
Once
you said you loved me
And
took my heart away
Once
you said you loved me
But
then you wouldn't stay
Once
you said you loved me
And
I gave all I had to you
Once
you said you loved me
Then
you broke my heart in two
Once
you said you loved me
And
wanted to settle down
Once
you said you loved me
Then
ran all around
Once
you said you loved me
And
I gave you my heart
Once
you said you loved me
But
you only tore it apart
Once
you said you loved me
And
then walked on out the door
Once
you said you loved me
But
you don't say it anymore
Copyright
Anthony Ehlers 1998
It Only Hurts When I Laugh
What
can I say that you will hear,
when
I'm down here?
I
shout and scream,
beg
and cry
and
you will not help me up
It
is so cold here on my knees
won't
you help me?
Shall
I beg while I'm down here?
If
I'm a good dog will you
throw
me a bone?
I
am not who you thought I was
my
wings are broken, crushed, and bloody
But
that is your fault,
you
made me more than what I was
you
made me into something
I
was not
But
it is I who am down here
It
is me who lies in this heap
Who
struggles at your feet
while
you look down your nose at me
Don't
turn your back!
Look
at me,
don't
you like what you see?
Isn't
your creation pleasing to you anymore?
You
moulded me on your pottery wheel
and
I fell
Help
me
Heal
me
Hold
my hand and let me
stand
my own ground
let
my own two feet hold me
or
leave me down here,
just
go away
only,
don't make me what I'm not
Don't
put me on a pedestal...
Copyright
Anthony Ehlers 1998
Someday
Someday
you'll read this poem
Someday
you'll remember the pain you knew
Someday
you'll get the courage to come home
Someday
you'll realize your moments of happiness were few
Someday
you'll get over your broken heart
Someday
you'll realize there's no one there
Someday
it'll once again be torn apart
Someday
you'll realize you ran away those who care
Someday
you'll find you've run out of time
Someday
you'll get back what you've lost
Someday
you'll wish you could again be mine
Someday
you'll understand it wasn't worth the cost
Someday
you'll beg for one more try
Someday
you'll wonder what you can do
Someday
you'll wish you weren't so high
Someday
there'll be no one to cry for you
Someday
you'll wish you spoke up when you were mumbling
Someday
you'll long to feel my touch
Someday
you'll look around as your life is crumbling
Someday
your loneliness will be too much
Someday
you'll know I see through your disguise
Someday
all you'll have is hate
Someday
it will fall apart before your eyes
Someday
you'll realize someday is too late.
Copyright
1998 Anthony Ehlers
A WRITING ON CHRISTIANITY & PAGANISM
Christianity didn't destroy Paganism, it adopted it. The Greek mysteries became the mysteries of the mass. From Egypt came the idea of the divine trinity (Isis, Osirus, Horus) the last judgment, and personal immortality with reward or punishment; from Egypt came the adoration of the mother and child, and the idea that created Gnosis--Gnosticism; from Phyrgia came the worship of the great mother; from Syria came the resurrection drama of Adonis; from Thrace came the cult of Dionysus, the dying and saving God; from Persia came the idea of the millenium, the dualism of Satan and God, of darkness and light (in the fourth gospel John says "The light shining in the darkness, and the darkness has never put it out." )
The
rituals of Mithras so closely resembled the Eucharist that the Christian
fathers said that the Devil had invented the similarities to mislead the
flock.
The
worshippers of Dionysus, Attis, and Mithras, ate magic embodiments,
or
symbols of their Gods, the bread and wine that these cults considered gifts
placed upon the altar before the god were now conceived as changed by the
act of consecration into the body and blood of Christ. The faithful
believed that the bread and wine were, or represented the body and blood
of Jesus, then in an intense ceremony they partook of the life and substance
of their saviour. It was a conception long sanctified by time, it didn't
require a new understanding for the pagan mind to receive it.
By the mystery of the mass, Christianity became the last, and greatest of the mystery religions. It wasn't only these customs, the church took the stole and vestments of the pagan priests, the use of incense and holy water in purifications, the burning of candles and an everlasting light before the altar, the worship of the saints, the architecture of pagan temples, the law of Rome as a basis for cannon law, and the ancient pagan title of Pontifex Maximus for the supreme pontiff.
Christianity
was the last great creation of the ancient pagan world.
Copyright 1998 Anthony Ehlers
|
CLICK HERE TO READ A STORY BY ANTHONY |
| Art by ANTHONY Coming Soon ! |
To contact Anthony Ehlers:
Anthony has been moved to Statesville Correctional Center:
Mr Anthony Ehlers
# B-60794
Route 53
P.O. Box 112
Joliet, Illinois
60434 USA
To See More Illinois Death Row Prisoners:
| http://ccadp.org/illinois.htm |
