January 4, 1999

I have written to you twice since my last conversation with you but decided to tear them up because the letters confused me too.
I just hobbled on about subjects that either made no sense or should not have.
Remember that I told you before that I would not like to be anyone's friend here. Not because I don't like people  but losing a a friend is not so easy.  This is what I tried to write about but confuse myself while I get lost in my thoughts.
I'm not making sense, am I ?

Regardless how hard I try, I can't do anyting without thinking about my neighbor.  The days go by and slowly the 10th of February inches closer.

This day is Cordovas's date.

His apeals are exhausted and his day is inching closer; somehow I started speaking to him about sports.  It was the morning after l posted your letter.  He called me to the heating ventilation and we started exchanging ideas and opinions about football teams. It was real quiet, so everyone must have been asleep and so suddenly after we were getting done talking sports a wave of these emotions caught me off guard.

I couldn't just leave him in such a depressed state so sat and listened to him. I tried to understand him and still do.

It has been a week now and he feels comfortable speaking to me about his life's tribulations and anguish. It seems that his life runs at a parallel to mine at times.  I understand where he is coming from.  I can see that like me has never expressed his deepest fears and shame to anyone for fear of a critical individual repeating it.  I have you ... he has never trusted anyone that I know of.  This is where I have had trouble when I write to you.

After t elling me of shameful situations that he experienced as a kid, he asks me not to ever tell anybody "please."  As if somehow it came out involuntarily in a moment of weakness ?  His suffering is great, I can understand...

Sometimes I'm confused and don't know what to respond so I just sit and listen. What can I do? I've told you about what he told me in the letters I tore up, because I don't know who to ask but l also prornised him not to ever repeat what he said. If I have no one in the world that I could truly trust I know it would all just pressurize inside so I'm very grateful to have you.

...You know Isabelle, I don't think that Cordova would mind if I asked for your opimon on this
I have tried to put myself in his situation as hard as it is but he has cut his family off and will not tell them of his date.   I asked him why and he only says that he does not want to hurt them.  So his family does not know about his date.  What do you think about this ?
It confuses me.  I can undestnd that he does not want his mother to suffer any over him but to not tell his brothers?
I'm sorry.  I really can't do much without thinking of his situation.  It won't be long before he calls me....

January 9th, 1999

I spoke to Cordova this morning and what he said really disgusted me.  I doubt that he would mind if I told you this.
Can you believe that people have solicit him to attend and be present in the chamber on the day of his execution ? It sounds sick to even repeat this.  These people who have asked do not even know him !  I sense a circus that is coming around him ... we spoke today for sometime. It seems that now he confides in me without a seconds hesitation.

...While writing to you Cordova called me and I told him about the impending visit from the Pope.  He sounded very interested and excited... I am sure that we will hear about it ! C
 

January 12th, 1999

...You know, yesterday the property officer brought my neighbor Cordova all the property that had been confiscated so that he could sort through it all and pack the stuff he wants to send home.
Anyway his radio was included and he sent it to me.  I have been listeningto it. Life has been good but only for a bit.  I should send it back soon.
 

January 20th, 1999

I wish that I could tell you all about him and you would better understand why he has buried a lot of guilt for so long.  Only now that he realizes how serious this date is, he's in a state of mind that... well it's only my guess but reflecting on his life. Have you ever heard that when one is close to death that it is said that there are life flashes betre their eyes ?

I think only now it's over a period of time. I'm sorry, I'd rather not think about it anymore. I saw a caseworker and almost asked about moving to another cell but thought better of it. George really needs company and so I'll be around if he calls.
 

January 26th 1999

...about George. His attorney is just done filing an appeal but we just don't know. He's been doing a lot of writing lately.  He has been putting all those that asked to attend his date, to the wayside. He does have a right to say that they can not attend with some exceptions.  That being victims' relatives who want to attend and a crop, handpicked by the prosecsutor (State) who put him on death row.
 

February 3rd 1999

Now we have 3 new wardens. Sometime ago Cordova went to reclassification and pleaded to be let out of here (solitary confinement) due to his pending execution date. Well, one of the (old) wardens asked for the committee's vote.   There are 3 votes, one from the case manager, another from either a captain or major then the last from the warden. The case manager voted tor Cordova, the captain voted against him... the warden grinned, voted against Cordova then stated ( sorry, but I tried)...

Today Cordova went out to visit with a media group. The reporter was taken aback on some of our circumstances here. George said that she fought back tears too. Really, George is real smart!
He's almost 40 years old but if you saw him you'd swear that he was around my age (26). He calls the system judicial and administrative (political gangsters) organized at that!

When he speaks, he makes so much sense.  Tells me of how the politicians dance to the tune of voters' blocks.  That prisoners are a large voting giant that needs to be awaken.  He says that if every inmate could get anywhere from two through ten people that they knew out in the free world to vote, then we would have a tune for politicians to dance to.
Cordova has a web site page on the internet and has written letters dealing with our situation. He's proud of our heritage and tells me " What is the difference between you and the president?"  He's a man just like you, however the president is a mass-murderer, that covers himself with the American flag and defends his actions under law and manipulation.
That is what he says.  Maybe I'm not saying it with the same conviction or intensity.
Cordova is gifted in communication.

You know, he tells me at least 3 times a day "Roy, ne te aguites ".  Its slang but he wants to tell me not to be sad.  I think he says that more to himself than to me.  Still I do feel bad too.

Cordova just told me that a media group he denied access to an interview recently were in the visiting room today also. That they kept giving hirn bad looks but he stands firm by his decision because they probably would have manipulated his interview anyway.
...I told Cordova that he is thought of and he sends his regards.

Before I close, guess what? Friar Stephen Walsh came to see my neighbor George. They did not want to change Cordon's visIting list to include his sister. He wants to see her. Anyhow Fr. Walsh went back and forth from George to Tina trying to convince her to change his visiting list. Finally it was changed and Fr. Walsh came to advise George.
He told Walsh: You should be an attorney the way you convinced Tina to change my list!  George says that Fr. Walsh got a laugh from that...
 
 

February 6th, 1999

His family was turned back from the visit because he had already a visit that day.
His brother, who he hadn't seen in years, came and was turned away.
Also one of his sisters came to visit but was tamed away.
Another of his friends from out of State dropped by and, well, the same.
 

February 8th, 1999

I told George of you and your friends' thoughts for him. From all the days I've spent lending my ear, I got to know him more than I ever wanted.  I'm trying to dismiss something that I knew would come, but l can't I feel so bad for him...

Just a while ago George called me to the ventilation... the Supreme Court has now denied his appeal. The State will now proceed with his execution.  I feel sick .  He's over there packing his property now.  I can hear him.  I'm trying to put it out of my thoughts however I keep thinking of it... better that I just close fornow, OK? I really don't feel right.  What can I tell him, not much I'm sure.

A while later

I was just sitting here. I would rather speak to you. I'll just answer your letter and spend time with you. Can l ask you to help me?
A little bit I spoke to George when he arrived from his visit and he told me that he would be writing several letters in saying bye to friends and supporters. A letter is to be posted on the intemet based in Canada. Anyway, would you search for this web site and retrieve the letter for me? It would mean a lot to me.
 

February 9th 1999. early in the morning

It's late according to the cell block officer. I'm just here, keeping George company. He's over there tearing up his legal documents. Some of these legal papers are dated back from the year 1979!

They came and told George to pack up because he was being moved into what is called the death cell on a lock down wing.  I used to be several cells down from the cell where he will be tonight.

I can't explain in words how it is that lfeel inside right now.  There is somehow inside of me a feeling of trying to distance myself away but the reality is that he will leave tonight and I'll never coversate with him again.

I could as easily saythat it would equal the same as maybe him leaving to the free world and I wouldn't ever conversate again. Still there's always the chance... don't imagine me in a very depressed state of mind. I'm not so depressed that I cannot function but sad ... yes.
 

Do I sound depressed? I hope not.  Just being reflective of what is happening around me.
Just a couple of us (inmates) at this moment know that George has been denied by the courts. I'm sure everyone knows that he has a date on the 10th but he has only told a few that the Supreme Court denied him because he does not want to hear from everyone.  He does not want sympathy.

ln any time he'll be gone...

Inside I wish that I could run and hide but there's nowhere to go - is there ?
It will be great to hear from you !
 
 

February 9th 1999. during the day

I'm just sitting here. Didn't expect to write today but I feel really low. I would rather express and release my thoughts least I drown in them.

I hardly slept last night, well this morning I should say. Last night I stayed up with George and didn't get but about a half hour of sleep this morning.  They woke me at 7.40 a.m. for recreation.

I knew that George would be gone to visit all day becase of his status and would probably be moved to the death watch cell...  would see  him before I left for recreation so I woke him up and pulled away from theescorting officers,got to his cell and shook his hand. I looked him in the face.... got up.  I had to get on my knees to shake his hand.  You know, there is a type of metal grill on the bars except on the lowest section of the cell bars. I had to kneel down so I could shake his hand also because I am handcuffed behind my back wherever I go.

I was told: "Cannady, what do you think you're doing"  I was then escorted to recreation...When I was back on the block, I kept walking past my cell to George's knowing that he would not be there  but I had to see! Only his mattress, neatly made, remained...
I wonder to myself why George was made to remam in solitary cell these last days.  Everyone else is always put on the regular wing about a week before their date.

At least they can be distracted by the television or even a small meal delivered from friends, got from the commissary, my God something !

in the solitary cell block, he can see nothing, do nothing, eat nothing, just think. Speaks now loosely of injustice,  well did. I believe he's now been moved to a death watch cell.

How can these people be so inhumane ?

Wow ! I'll be with you in a bit, George has just come back!

February 9th. 1999, a moment later

He was brought back but was actually supposed to be escorted to anther cell.

He was visibly shaken and called me.

After his time ran out on visiting with his sister and nephew and nieces, the roaming officer who was working visitation started telling George's people that they had to leave. The escort officers were not even present to take him back!  George said that he had a grin on his face and look to be enjoying the moment because his family was crying. He kept telling his people to leave but his little nephew stood fast refusing to leave!
His nephew grabbed the chair and his nieces came to their brother's side, all children crying for their uncle! My heart goes out to them...

Again, he's waiting or was waiting to be moved. Someone is in the death watch cell he is to be housed in. He just left again. This time for good.

I spoke to him for the while that he waited to be moved. You wouldn't believe how cold blooded the captain Burse has been with him. That is who has been behind George's problems!  George told me that he was the one who kept him down here in solitary and just made the last days unroutine.  I won't go into detail what he was denied as everyone was able to be on a regular cell block and other things but worse.

Today captain Burse told George that his mom was not on his visiting list but he had tried to change it again days ago... So George asked if he could please have permision to see her. The captain said "no," that she was not on the list. So then he went out and told George's mother that George did not want to  see her!
I swear it angers me! That snake !   Why does he insist on adding sorrow to that poor lady?
George says that he never had bad words with him. That worm just is no good.

While the commotion happened in the visiting room, the inmate janitor even left the room, it was too much for him. After they were escorted out and the officers left, the inmate janitor walked up to George and told him that he did not know how he kept from shedding tears but that he shed some for him.

That's George. He does believe in strength and not showing the system that they have defeated him.

His sister had asked her employer for time off because she would be seeing her brother and explained the situation.  She had been promoted to assistant manager not long ago but has now lost her job.  She decided that her brother will come first.  If I told you of his childhood, Isabelle, it would deeply affect you. I wish that I could.

His sister was really close to him so naturally one can understand why his nephew and nieces stood there refusing to leave. They grew up always knowing of their uncle because their mother spoke always of George.
How can these people be so inhumane?

Friar Walsh has been coming to visit George.   Awhile ago, I saw  him passing in front of my cell and heard George say from inside his cell " It was hard, they were crying,"

What purpose does all this serve?  Who wins from George's death ?  It is only a legal tool of fews vengeance! Those who suffer are family left behind.  How can someone feel good about inflicting pain on a woman (a mother) and kids, inflict the same pain as they feel? Families are the ones who suffer most.

I really don't know what to do, think or feel,t. I know now that when I told you before that I would never get so close to anyone in here because of what has now happened. It will happen regardless if I realize it when it happens or not.   Guess that I may have been naive.  I can say that I've attained a better understanding of everything.

 Night of February 9th - Morning of February 10th 1999

Last night was restless.   While I laid in bed I could not help but wonder what George was thinking.   He was reassigned housing.  So when I went out to recreation I looked for him where I knew that I would miss him.  He was there speaking to an officer.   I stopped and asked if he slept well, he nodded and put his hand out of the bars to shake my hand...
that's the last I saw him.
This all seems so unreal!

February 11th 1999

Hello!  I left this letter open because l knew that l would be back before I mailed it out.
It's after breakfast.  I didn't get to eat but that's OK because I didn't much feel hungry. I was hoping for some good news or that maybe I could hear someone next door but it's not to be.

I have just found out for sure that George was executed yesterday... I just knew that these

Isabelle, as much as much as I'm trying to block out what is happening in my life at this time, it's not working. I think I'll sleep now OK?
I know things won't change but somehow I need a different mind set!

February 14th, 1999

I spent the whole day cleaning and tossing out some paperwork that was of no use. I got some more of my property back because of my promotion in level status. Also George left me some of his property too... I find myself thinking about these past few months and a dark cloud of sadness creeps over me. I have a radio now (George's) but don't even turn it on... when George came back from his visit, one thing he kept repeating was: "Ojala que nunca pases por esto ! " ( I hope that you never pass through this). I'm more determined now not to let it happen. I'm running into some obstacles but will figure out a way somehow!

March 6th, 1999

George would totally agree for you to translate this and make the public aware of our situation. He was always compassionate, so much that he would take the shirt off his back and give it to one still more unfortunate than him.

His execution makes no sense! He had so much to give...

You know, I found out that on the 9th of February his sister was put on the ground and restrained at the Walk.

I doubt people realize the whole truth. A lot of people just seem to think that an execution consists of murdering an inmate but what of all others involved? It  shatters mothers, brothers, sisters ... just family members generally !

This business (executions) that Texas sees as beneficial, is really a no win situation. Unless it is a vengeful act but they try to avoid this in saying that it is 'closure'  for the victims. Who do the victims' family members think of? Certainly not about other families, the kids, etc. It is not like an act out of passion or one just losing it or something. Their  act is one of true premeditation to murder another when other alternatives exist.

I received the letter George wrote on the net. Thanks!  I think that he never mailed another out that he had written.  The poem he had read to me... it brought back his voice for a bit when I read it, its as if I could hear him reciting it...
 
 

March 13th 1999
 

It has now been sometime since George was murdered to extinguish a few individuals' desires. I can honestly say that this experience has been a rude awakening for me and my situation. No logger am I lax about my own future nor legal representation.   I have learned from George's mistakes.

If you have kindly read my thoughts until now, please know that our situation - in Texas - IS desperate. I plead that you as the general public have compassion and open dialogue abou tus as we are humans in every sense of the word.  I extend my gratitude for your time.
This is  in tribute to my late friend, George Cordova.  Also to an extraordinary woman friend, Isabelle and wonderful family, J.M., J.B. and A.
 

Sincerely yours,

Rogelio Reyes Cannady

The sun has not yet risen on the prison of Ellis Unit and its death row.
All is calm, the prisoners are sleeping.

Even so,
voices can be heard in two cells,
a quiet conversation between two men.
 ( Then suddenly,
from the back of one of those long cages of 1.5m x 2.7m
a man burst into tears,
the desperate sobs of an anguished man.

In the next-door cell,
A man is sitting,
listening to his friend near the heating ventilation.

He is opening his heart to the infinite wave of emotions
which overwhelms his companion of suffering.

Their cells are disposed in such a way that they cannot see each other,
one way of communicating is the heating ventilation system.

So, after years of silence, of withdrawal into oneself
for fear of critical judgements,
one of these men got overwhelmed by a wave of emotions he cannot control.
He must talk to someone.
He cries his anguish,
he tells his deepest fears:
the days go by and slowly the 1Oth of February inches closer:

this day is his date *

Distressing, cruel and intolerable vision
of two men whose lives run at a parallel at times.
Both know what suffering is about

Yet, walls and bars isolate them
preventing the little human contact they could wish to have
in those terrible moments of reprieve between
life (life, really ?) and death,

their death planned in cold-blood,
legalized by
an archaic and inhuman system.
 

* Jorge Cordova was executed on February 1Oth, 1999
 

Copyrights Lifespark Case postale 4002 Bale / 05/03/99

April 1999

As members of Lifespark - Movement against the death penalty, we have been exchanging letters with prisoners on death row in the United States. Their letters are often astonishing, plenty of strong human feelings and emotions. To us some extracts deserve publishing on the Net.   We have decided to do it on a monthly base.

The following extract is taken from a letter written on the 21st February 1999 by Rogelio Reyes Cannady # 999245, death row inmate in Ellis One Unit, Huntsville, Texas, to his penfriend in Switzerland.

We were out in the recreation yard with F. just walking and exchanging thoughts until they came to escort him back to his cell. So I waited for my escort and guess they forgot about me. I walked about and ended up by the gate...

The sun was shining brightly and a nice breeze was coming through. I wanted so badly to look straight at the sun so I closed my eyes and looked towards the sun. I could feel the rays warming my skin. It felt so good like when I stood under the sun on the beach. With my eyes closed I "saw" only shades of orange, red and yellowish. It was like I was suddenly somewhere else. Still I could hear the birds chirping because it was really quiet, with noboby else on the recreation yard.

One bird was chirping somewhere in front of me and for some reason I reached out... and was brought back immediately when my hand touched the gate. I tried to draw what I saw...

It was good at least to be away even if for a moment! ~
 
 

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